People keep asking me for money - Istanbul Edition

Every now and then, I get spam emails at work asking for money.  I write back to them, and see how long I can keep stringing them along.  My responses always involve some trite reference to local food and sights, belittling their difficult and trying times.

I don't think any of them is going to top this one, where I try to date the guy.

Edition #2:  Mark, stuck in Istanbul

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Good morning,
        I Hope you get this on time, I made a trip to Istanbul and had my bag stolen from me with my passport and personal effects therein. The embassy has just issued me a temporary passport but i have to take care of my expenses and settle my hotel bills with the manager.
             
         I have made contact with my bank but it would take me 3-5 working days to access funds in my account, the bad news is my flight will be leaving very soon but i am having problems settling the hotel bills and the hotel manager won't let me leave until i settle the bills. I need your help financially and i promise to make the refund once i get back home, you are my last resort and hope. Please let me know if i can count on you and i need you to keep checking your email because it's the only way i can reach you.

 Kind regards,
Mark Davis

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Dear Mark Davis,

That is SO TERRIBLE!  Thank goodness you have access to the internet.  The Turkish Police can be very difficult, from what I hear.  Please, tell me how much you need and I will send it right away!  I hope they are not beating you too much, I’m sure that would hurt.  May I recommend you to have some baklava whilst you wait.

CP

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I'm so glad to hear from you,I'm stranded and empty without my phone which has limited my communication to email.I feel so sick right now also your lovely email has cheered me up,i need to get my ticket straightened out and sort my hotel bills. I promise to pay you back as soon as I get back home,i need about $1,840,you can have the cash wired to my name and present location via Western Union thank God i still have my passport ID as identification to pick up the money.

The details you need is:

Name : Mark Davis
Location:  Ebusuud Street 213 Sirkeci, Fatih, Istanbul 34210, Turkey.
Amount.. $1,840

    As soon as it has been done, kindly get back to me with the confirmation number. Let me know if you are heading to the Western Union outlet now.

Thanks....  I would want you to take this as a life saving moment i will never forget.

Mark Davis

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Dear Mark Davis,

I am so glad to hear you are still OK!  I am at work right now, but as soon as I get home, I’m going to get that money for you.  I can’t go to the bank, because I keep all of my money in the apartment in cash.  Then I am going to get a check written for you by my neighbor, because Western Union costs a lot of money to wire.  But I’m going to send it overnight for you, and you will have it as soon as possible.

While you’re there, can you pick me up a gray pashmina and an ounce of saffron?  I hear they have really good spices in Turkey.

Cindy

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Okay i am still here waiting to  hear from you with the Western Union details and just keep me posted once you have it done.

Hanging here

Mark Davis

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Dear Mark Davis,

I am going to run right out of work as soon as I can.  I have already asked my boss if I can leave early.  He said no, but I’m probably going to just sneak out.

I bet you have a really interesting life and have really good stories under your belt.  Maybe we can get together for a cup of Turkish coffee when you return.

You’d be buying, of course.  ;)

Cindy

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Sure i will, please keep me posted once you have it done with the MTCN.

Mark Davis

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Hi Mark Davis!

I went to Western Union last night and they told me I need ID to send you the money.  But my wallet was stolen last week and I don’t have any ID.  I have friend with something called paypal and he said he could send you the money through paypal.  Will that work?  I think I just need this email account?  I hope you’re OK.  Are you safe?  Are you getting enough to eat?  How’s the weather?

Cindy

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I can't use paypal here,please you can give the cash to someone who has an ID to wire the money to me.I promise to refund the money once m home...

Please do it asap

Mark Davis

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Dear Mark Davis,

I am worried about the tone of your email.  Are you mad at me?  I’m trying the best that I can to get you this money, but it is difficult.  I am working long hours and it is hard for me to get the money together to do this.  I went home and I only had about $3000 to give you and I had to ask my mom for the rest.  I had to tell her it was for my sick dog, because she only likes animals, not people.  When I got it all together, I found out I couldn’t use Western Union.

And after all of this, you don’t even say thank you, and your email doesn’t even end in a smiley face, or a winky face, or anything!  I am really looking forward to that coffee date, but now I am worried that you’re mad, and I feel really unappreciated.

Cindy

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Forgive me for my Words, I'm just sick of the problems am facing right now. Please i appreciate your concern and you are the only one i can count now, things are getting worst right now and getting confuse.
    Kindly have someone send the cash on your behalf also i promise to have a dinner with you once am back.

:)  ;)

God bless you

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Hi Mark Davis!

I’m sorry this took me so long, I was sick yesterday.  I spoke to my Rabbi, and he said he would help me send you the money, but only if you’re Jewish.  Are you Jewish?  I have another friend named Mark Davis, and he’s Jewish. 

Thank you for your apology, that made me feel better.

;)