Just wrote my last official note.

Like losing the last 15 pounds, those last 15 or so notes were tough to write.

I did a REALLY good job.  My original intent was to write exactly one note a day, so that every day I would be thinking about Jennifer.   That didn't really happen.  Some days I would feel really inspired to write about 5, some days none.  But those days where I didn't write any, my Jewish guilt had the same effect as actually writing that note.

The holidays happened near the end, too, and I sent out a good 80 holiday cards as well, each having some hand-written sentiment on it, which backed me up a bit.

This was perhaps one of my best ideas ever.

It turns out people really like to feel like they are a part of something.  I got so many thank you notes for my note.  Who writes a thank-you note to a note?   So many people told me that their. It's came at a really good time, as if somehow I knew that they needed to be cheered up.  

I'm going to do this again next year, I think.  It was very therapeutic, and I've finally figured out that taking a little time to make someone else feel valued or loved, even if it means just a couple of words, is really meaningful.

The anniversary of Jen's passing is next week.  I think I did right by her.

Love you, Jen.  I've learned by your example.

Progress made...Jen's birthday check-in

Today would have been Jennifer's 38th birthday.

Yesterday, I left her a birthday card on her grave.  She's probably somewhere, watching, laughing, that it took her dying for me to bring her a card.

I keep getting "Thank-you's" for all of the notes I am writing... often it seems that note arrives at a time when it is desperately needed.  I seriously underestimated the impact of taking a moment to write someone a note just to say that they are being though about for a moment.

I know that I am so excited to find a note in my mailbox these days.  Jennifer taught me something after all.

At this point, a little over two months in, and I have 30 notes left to go.

Happy birthday, Jen, and thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I miss you more than I even thought possible.

Crying my eyes out

Just got home from a long day at work.  I was surprised by my friend Gia with a really awesome starbucks mermaid mug that she got because it reminded her of me.

Is there anything better than getting a gift for no reason at all??  What a great start to the day.

When I got home, there was a card in the mail from my sorority sister Amber.  I haven't seen Amber since I graduated college almost 20 years ago.  She was one person I sent a card to last week, and she sent me one back.  It was a beautiful card, and she wrote such a beautiful sentiment, thanking me for "sharing my sister with the world."

I never expected anything in return when I started this tribute to Jennifer.  It was my way to remember my sister in a way that positive, every day.  I hadn't expected that this would touch others so deeply.   Not only am I excited that I have made people happy, if only just for a moment in their hectic lives, but it's helped me understand that in the end, the only thing that matters in this world is the positive impact we have on our community and each other.

It's made me want to be kinder to people.  It's made me want to connect more with people.  It's encouraged me to want to do more for others.

And when someone does something as simple as get me a mug or write me a card back, I am so touched because I know I touched them.

So I'm crying my eyes out reading Amber's card, and then I see that I have a package.

My friend Jodi, a talented photographer and artist has recently been cross-stitching some phrases and photographing them... I'm not sure exactly what the significance of the cross-stitching is, or if the art is just how she's feeling on that particular day.  I cross-stitch, too, and I made some comments on her Instagram (check her out... jmim ).

So, guess what Jodi sent me in the mail??  And the tears just keep coming.

I am really bad at keeping in touch, and in my typical Sagittarian way I run off to play with new shiny people instead of staying connected with people I care about in my life.  I wish I had more time and more energy to be connected, because MAN, I know some really amazing people.

The first anniversary of Jennifer's death is right around the corner, and all of you have and will continue to be so instrumental in making me feel like I have effectively done what I set out to do.  To honor Jennifer.

Thank you all so much.

I'm getting notes BACK!

This is unexpected and exciting.  Yesterday I got a note BACK from my kindergarten teacher, saying that she always found something special in ALL of her students.  Words to live by!   (She also said I made it easy... :)

And today, I got this from my ex-classroom neighbor.  Highlight of my day.

First week of notes!

First week of notes recipients:

Fran Winick, Grace Deighan, Jen DeGraphenreed, Jodie Goodnough, Kim Howe, April Palmieri, Mom: was in the hospital this week, but she came home to a note! 

I'm surprised as to how easy this is.  I had already spent a day stuffing cards, writing names on them, stamping and putting on the return address labels.  I put them all in an attractive box I like to look at, and every day I pull one randomly (except mom and my former teacher, that was intentional) and write down my first thoughts, whatever they are.  

It takes me all of 4 minutes.  Not a lot of time to tell someone why you think they're special or great.

Happy I'm doing this.  Hope they enjoy it!

The inaugural note

The inaugural note goes to my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Fran Winick. 

Mrs. Winick, for what reason I don't know, took four of her students aside after school was over and taught us to write.  Kids were learning to write in the 1st grade, but she saw something special in the four of us, I guess, and I would stay after school with her and practice in a special notebook I had.

Out of the four of us, I was the only girl.

This is the only note that I'm going to share, because I think it needs to be shared, and considering tomorrow is the first day for students, it seemed particularly fitting.

***

Dear Mrs. Winick,

I teach in a world where parents push their kids too much, where every kid's a genius.  My parents never pushed me to do anything, which was fine.  But you saw some potential in me that I didn't see, and probably my parents, either... And I have carried that special feeling with me my whole life.

I have always felt special, and I think it's all because of you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

<3 Cindy

***

This is where my mother chimes in and tells me that I'm special and apologizes profusely for never pushing me.  IT'S FINE, MOM, YOU DID GREAT.

And in just a day and a half, the list of 100 is complete.

Well, a couple more than 100.  But who's counting?

It took a trip to two different Target stores to get the cute, matte and recycled paper notes I like.  It turns out that either they're not making blank notes any more, only thank-yous, or they're out of stock.  When I went to the second Target, they only had two styles left, and one was this one:

The butterfly is the symbol for Turners Syndrome girls... kinda like a spirit animal.  I don't really believe in signs, but today I did.

I entered all the addresses on my computer for safe keeping.
I picked a card for each person, stuffed the envelope, and wrote their name on it in Jennifer's favorite color.
I created the blog.
I printed special return address labels (I figured I could cheat not hand-writing my OWN address)
affixed the stamps on each of the cards.

I'm exhausted.  I don't know how she did it.

The idea behind 100 Handwritten Notes

Herb, Jennifer, Cindy, and Bonnie Phillips

My sister Jennifer died suddenly of Diabetes on December 18, 2012.  She was barely 37 years old.

Jennifer had a really difficult life.  She was diagnosed with Turner's syndrome when she was really young.  Turner's syndrome girls develop many health problems, and Jennifer had a lot of health problems in her short life.  She often felt really sad that she had so many health problems and felt like she was dealt a really bad deck of cards.

Despite that, one of Jennifer's greatest pleasures was to buy, write, and send greeting cards to people she knew.  She sent them for every life event: birthdays, anniversaries, religious days, and "just because."  She was really old-fashioned this way.

When Jennifer died, people came out of the woodworks to say what a beautiful soul she was, and how she would often be the only one to commemorate an event with a card, and how much it meant for those people to receive them.

As her sister, I didn't really appreciate receiving her cards.  It used to feel like it wasn't even a day that went by before I received a thank-you note to a gift I had purchased her; "I'm your sister!  You don't have to send me a thank-you card!!" I would scoff.  Of course, I'm sure she was incensed that I never sent her any.

After Jen died, my father said, "you're going to want to see this."  It was a thank-you note to me, from her, for bringing her shrimp and calling her after she was in a car accident.  She didn't have the time to mail it, but it still found its way into my hands, post-mortem.

I treasure that card so much.

In her memory, I am going to send 100 Handwritten Notes in 100 days to people who want them.

My handwriting is awful.
I'm a leftie so the pen always smudges.
It doesn't matter.

Jennifer, I miss you and think of you every day.  This is for you.